Shouting Into Space

Every once in a while you hear something that is so dumb it will give you an aneurysm. Fans of Lewis Black will know this as an "If it weren't for my horse..." situation. Well, I had a similar experience this morning. I was waking up to the radio as I am wont to do (the buzzer just isn't as appealing as I get older), and the news was on.

The anchor woman was talking about TurboTax. She spoke about how last year, Intuit had a bandwidth problem that brought down the TurboTax servers near tax day and caused a few thousand people a real headache. The newscaster asked an Intuit spokesperson about what had done this year to help keep that from happening. After talking with the Intuit PR woman, the newscaster talked to an IRS representative. The IRS agent explained how last year they were able to offer an extension of 48 hours to the people who were affected and how the IRS really appreciates e-filers.

Now, none of this talk could make blood shoot out of my nose. This is all very simple, straight forward, and reasonable. It's what the IRS guy went on to say next that got me. Actually, it wasn't just what he said... but how he said it that twisted a vein in my noodle.

As my memory surely can't recall a direct quote from this morning, I will do my best to paraphrase accurately. He (the IRS guy) said something to the effect of: E-filing is such a great thing. It used to be that we literally had trucks pull up to the office (IRS office that is), unload tons of forms, and we had to go through each one (whine, whine). It was sooo hard and there was sooo much to deal with!

That's the one that blew my gasket! I thought to myself: WTF!? Did he really expect me to think: "Poor IRS, they used to have so many forms to deal with. I mean it was literally tons of paper they were swimming in. Can you imagine the potential for papercuts!? I feel sorry for those guys. It must be so much easier for them if we e-file. We really do need to make their lives easier."

Ok... Look asshole, I'm sorry you had to work with all those forms, but seriously, you're the assholes who're telling us we have to do this crap. There isn't even a god damned law stipulating that we have to. It'll be a cold day in hell when I feel sorry for all the work you have to do when I file my taxes. I shouldn't have to do this crap work in the first place. As a matter of fact I shouldn't have to pay any taxes in the first place considering I don't a agree with a single thing my tax money is spent on (inflating the dollar - for instance).

So my brain nearly burst when I thought about how this IRS agent had hoped his comment would spark pity in me for what he has to go through. The only thing that got me calmed down what when I thought about the slim chance that the TurboTax servers might go down again this year. Oh goodness, I really hope it doesn't happen again. I couldn't bear the thought of the IRS having more heartache and headache on tax. Those poor guys!